| Scout humor |
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16 STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE
1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand),
6. Light Match
7. Light Match
8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can
labeled "kerosene." Light Match.
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Re-label can to read "gasoline."
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps 1-15.
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CAMPING HINTS
Author Unknown
When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep the campsites on either side
vacant.
Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.
A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada works almost as well, but the
cheese sticks between your toes.
The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges. Steer clear of those named for landfills.
While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has remained largely
unheralded. Its single blade functions as a tiny canoe paddle.
Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that
sneeze, cough, and belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the wilderness experience.
Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel before applying the match.
You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the north side of your compass.
You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic garbage bag with several
geese.
The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should never be confused with a gnu paddle, a
similar device used by Tibetan veterinarians.
When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your nose on.
Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines
out the other ear, do not go into the woods alone.
A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.
A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side dish. A potato baked in the coals for three
hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot made from
the elastic waistband of your underwear.
The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald man, however, does
absolutely nothing for the eagle.
It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road behind a large motor home.
Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them on the
bears.
In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.
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You might be taking Scouting too seriously if:
• You can recite the 12 points of the Scout Law backwards, in order, in 3 seconds flat.
• You bought 10,000 shares of Coleman stock on an inside tip they were about to release a microwave accessory for
their camp stove line.
• You can't eat eggs anymore unless they are cooked in a zip-locked bag.
• You plan to get rich by writing a best selling Dutch Oven cook book.
• You took a chemistry course at the local college to help you develop a better fire starter.
• You actually own a left-handed smoke shifter.
• The height of your social season is the district recognition dinner.
• A trip to Philmont is a pilgramage.
• Your are convinced the center of the universe is Irving, Texas.
• The sales operators at the BSA distribution Center's 800 number recognize your voice.
• Singing "Scout Vespers" makes you cry uncontrollably.
• You were disappointed when Scouting magazine didn't win the Pulitzer Prize last year.
• The Scouts in your troop chipped in to have you abducted by a professional cult de-programmer.
• You wake up and go to bed by the sound of a Bugler.
• If you insist that your kids meet certain requirements before they can go up to the next age.
• If your family meets once a week for a meeting and open it which the Pledge of Allegiance, Scout Oath, and Scout
Law.
• If every shirt you have has the Fleur de lis on it.
• If your family can have patches for doing certain chores.
• You sing camp fire songs in the shower.
• A night out with the boys can mean over a 100 and most of them are under 16.
• Your Boxers have the name of the OA Lodge on them.
• You have the arrowhead symbol as your PC wallpaper.
• You can tie your shoe laces with a different type of bow for each day of the week
• Your wife tells you to wear your best clothes and you put on your uniform
• You only have one meaning for the word camp
• You take the ink blot test and can only see patrol badges
• You decide to lash together the new deck on the back of your house.
• You didn't mind losing power to your house for three days.
• Latrines at camp start becoming comfortable.
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You can read this at almost any speed............. the human brain is a great computer.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The phaonmneal pweor of the
hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers
in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be
a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was
ipmorantt!
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